An Assassinated Sunday Afternoon
by Onion Riffs
Summary: Another of Vita-chan's Sunday afternoons, this time assaulted by...something... A tale in two parts.   Includes a genius pigeon, who is clearly the only character behaving in-character.
1. Chapter 1

_Vita happily sat down at the computer. She was a girl on a mission. Hayate-chan had enjoyed their little adventure with fanfic, and asked her to find more to make fun of. A target soon presented itself, a crossover by left4dead321, between __Lucky Star__ and __Assassin's Creed__._

_Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, Vita thought to herself._

_Here it goes..._

It was mid day and I was wondering the roof tops of japan you see I'm a assassin my job is to stop the Templar and anybody who works for them,

_Okay, so it's first person. And awful. How the hell do you wonder rooftops? Wait, these are "roof tops", nevermind._

My name is Anthony and the reason why I'm in japan is because the Templar has moved here from fear of my brothers so that is why I'm here in this jungle of buildings.

_Was this written by a hyperactive chipmunk?_

"Ah it's been what a month since any activity where the hell did they go?" Anthony asked walking on top of the building.

_Wait, so now it's in third person? And this guy is just yelling to himself?_

"Some one please help!" A girl yelled from the alley as a group of men surrounded her."Don't worry little girl do what we say and we won't hurt you!" One out of five of the men said as he pulled out a small knife.

_"We'll only rape you, which __totally__ isn't hurting! Nope, not at all!"_

"What a coward I'll make sure these fowl bastards learn from their wrong doings!" Anthony silently yelled as he jumped from the roof top and land in front of the men.

_And the assassin faces his deadliest foes yet: chickens. While breaking his vocal cords by yelling silently._

"Who the hell is this stiff?" One of the ass holes asked unable to see my face just my devil like grin.

_Wait, now it's in first person again?_

"Leave this poor girl alone now or die your choice really cause I have no problem in ending it with a blade." Anthony said as one of the men who was holding a pipe walked up to him.

_And now it's in third person! And everyone speaks in run-on sentences!_

"You think your tough huh well take this!" The man yelled as he tried to hit Anthony with the pipe but missed completely. Anthony took his new advantage and stabbed the man with one of the hidden blades the other men were scared but didn't back down as one of them pulled out a sword.

_The hidden blades that the author never mentioned this Anthony guy had. And street gangs always have swords._

"Oh my god guys he killed Keith!" One of the men yelled obviously pissed at the assassin.

_"Keith"? Isn't this supposed to take place in Japan?_

"You bastard!" Another yelled as he charged in with a small knife trying to get at least some blood out of the assassin.

_"Send in the guy with the butter knife! No, no, sword guy, you stay back, he'll be fine."_

"You guys shouldn't try to hurt a girl especially with weapons it pisses me off!"

_"If you were just trying to beat the crap out of her with your bare hands, I'd just be kinda ticked off. But weapons are __really__ serious!"_

Anthony said as the charging man tripped and fell to the floor.

_What a clumsy idiot._

The hidden blade went through the man's skull as if it was paper while another man ran towards Anthony but was killed the second he got close to the young assassin.

_That's what you get when you're tripping as you run up to the guy. Sure, he's a clumsy idiot too, but you're all __clumsier__ idiots._

The purple haired girl was afraid of the assassin as he got out of his crotch position

_I don't want to know._

waiting for the last two men to make their move."Is he going to kill me, or will he try to rape me what is he going to do after they're dead?" The short purple haired girl thought before crying out of fear.

_Considering he was just in a "crotch position" I don't have high hopes for you._

"Die dammit die!" The man with the sword said as he tried to strike the assassin."Nope I don't think so!" Anthony yelled back before stabbing the man in his stomach."Uhhhh look maybe we can talk about this I don't want any trouble please let me be!" The pedophile pleaded as he slowly went into the fetal position.

_I don't understand what's going on. So now he's a pedophile, even though you never said what age this girl was, and apparently stabbing him just made him go into a fetal position?_

Anthony grabbed the scared man by the neck and lifted him up from the ground."Now listen you piece of shit if you ever try to rape a girl again I'll hunt you down like the dog you, and kill you now get the hell out of here!" Anthony yelled as he threw the man to the ground. Anthony turned to the crying girl and walked towards her."Are you okay miss?" Anthony asked as the girl looked at him with tears in her eyes."I think so." The small girl said as Anthony put a finger on her chin forcing her to look at his hood."Go home before any thing else happens okay." Anthony said before kissing her lips.

_So you go on about these guys being pedophiles, and thne you kiss this girl who they were trying to rape on the lips... I'm not the only one who sees a problem with this, right?_

"Okay I will." She said blushing before Anthony climbed away.

"Well my jobs done I guess I should head home or at least the closest place I could call home." Anthony thought as he walked towards his home. It took a hour or two for the young assassin to find his house since this place was a freaking jungle to him.

_Except it wasn't a jungle, it was a city._

"Finally I'm back man what the hell were they thinking sending me alone?" Anthony said as he entered his house he noticed a pigeon with a letter.

_As idiots are inclined to do._

"What's this then?" Anthony asked as the letter dropped to the ground, The curious assassin picked it up and started to read the fine written letter.

**Dear Anthony we sent you to japan alone so you could make some friends ever since we adopted you into the creed you always distant yourself from kids your age as much as it pains me to say it you are ordered to stay in japan, and live a normal life I know we sent you on a mission to stop the Templar but when it's over with stay there you're too young to live the life of a assassin. No matter how good you are we believe that this is the best for you, and you'll be attending a high school called Ryou high school I believe once there you can't wear your assassins outfit, or have any weapons. We'll miss you very much and I hope you find happiness there sincerely Ezio Auditore.**

_So he's high school aged? It might've been nice to clear that up before you got into this stupid fic. Wait, __Ezio Auditore__? But... he'd be dead by the time all this happened!_

Anthony didn't know what to say, or even think he fell to the floor and sobbed a bit he always been in the Creed for sixteen loyal years, When he was a baby his parents were killed by the Templar agents the assassins were to late to save his parents but they did save him.

_Assuming he's sixteen years old, he's saying he's been an assassin since he was a baby. I don't think it works that way._

"I guess I should take this old thing off then." Anthony thought removing his assassin outfit and changed into more modern clothes."Good bye assassin clothes I'll miss the days when I was truly a assassin." Anthony said before looking into a mirror.

"Wow I look different without the assassin's clothes on." Anthony thought as he looked at his new wear a dark black shirt, blue jeans, and black and white skate shoes.

_How did you not know you looked different without a hood on? Dumbass._

Anthony was amazed on how his own physical appearance he use to be 4, 5 now he's 5, 9,

_Hmph.__ Vita folded her arms in annoyance._

his hair use to be light blue but now it was a dark midnight blue, his eyes didn't change though they remained a emerald green, and a sea blue." I really changed did I?" Anthony thought as he put gel in his hair and made his hair spiky.

_HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW WHAT YOU LOOKED LIKE?_

"My double hidden blades...I have to take them off." Anthony sighed they never left him the moment he equipped them so it was heart breaking when he took them off, after his painful sacrifice his wrist was pale white possibly from the many years he held onto the stealthy weapons.

_Because you couldn't __possibly__ put them back on, no, they have to stay off __forever__._

The ex assassin went to sleep he had two more days before he had to go to school and start his normal life.

_That was awful! What kind of idiot wrote this crap! At least it wasn't like that __last__ story..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Ugh, that first chapter was bad enough. But this is for Hayate, so I'll try the next one…_

Anthony woke up from the sounds of the pigeon chirping.

_He then realized he was dreaming, since pigeons don't chirp._

"Uh your still here bird why don't you leave?" Anthony asked as he softly rubbed the bird's neck.

_"That's simple, Anthony. I'm here to kill you."_

The bird flew to the bookshelf and looked at the young assassin with loving eyes."You don't want to leave don't you?"

_Why anyone would want to be around this guy is beyond me._

Anthony asked as the bird flew and landed on his shoulder."You can stay here...I think I'll call you Aria like it?" Anthony asked as the bird chirped happily.

_The pigeon understands... Whatever language this is meant to be in. I read it all in Japanese since this is on Hayate-chan's computer._

"Well I'm going out so you could have some exercise!" Anthony said as he left his house while his new bird alley flew away.

_Far, far away, never to return again._

"Where do I begin...this city is so huge it's just like Rome!"

_Kasukabe=Indistinguishable from Rome._

Anthony thought as he saw the hotel."Well I might as well map the area." Anthony said as he started to walk towards the building. Anthony started to climb the huge building it took him at least thirty long minutes before he finally reached the top.

_In the time it took for him to climb the hotel, the authorities were called and he was taken to the nearby police station._

"Ah god damn that was annoying huh?" Anthony asked as he noticed a Templar guarding the roof

_Templars are known for guarding random rooftops._

so he ducked behind some sort of machinery.

_The technology was so mystifying not even the author could describe it._

"Damn damn damn the one moment I don't have my blades!" Anthony thought as he looked at the Templar. Anthony charged at the unexpected Templar and pushed him off the building.

_What a __**thrilling**__ fight!_

"Well that was easy ahhh I'm so freaking tired maybe I should rest for a...bit." Anthony said before he fell asleep while his pet Aria took her post on the ledge.

_Did he just fall asleep on the rooftop?_

Hours later Anthony woke up from Aria's chirping."Oh man it's late girl why didn't you wake me up earlier?" Anthony asked before noticing a crying purple haired girl who was in the fetal position,

_Since most people go up to the rooftop to cry._

Anthony decided to put on a quick disguise before approaching her.

_Since he didn't say what kind of disguise it was, I'm just going to assume he put on huge glasses and a fake mustache._

"Excuse me miss what's wrong?" Anthony asked walking towards the crying girl."Nothing it's just this guy wanted me to meet him alone so I though it was a confession but all he wanted was a damn doll!" The crying girl yelled while crying.

_Wait, this is supposed to be Hiiragi Kagami? That __brilliant__ description and perfectly in-character behavior of crying in a fetal position over something she was more ticked off about then anything __really__ clued me in to her identity._

"Hey it's okay guys are probably fighting over you right now...but they have to wait in line." Anthony said kissing her on her lips.

_And Anthony once again demonstrates his rape-y tendencies. I'm surprised he didn't get into a crotch position first._

"Well you better get inside it's going to rain soon." Anthony said as the blushing girl walked towards the entrance/exit of the hotel.

_Meanwhile, Kagami went to contact the police._

"Come on Aria we should leave too." Anthony said as he walked near the ledge.

_And then fell to his death, ending this terrible excuse for a fanfic._

It took some time but Anthony found a truck at the bottom of the hotel with pillows in the back.

_Because there're always open-backed trucks with pillows just lying around the city._

"Aria wish me luck!"

_"No."_

Anthony said before he jumped for the truck, nearly missing the truck Anthony got up and started walking home.

"Aria come!, I need your assistance!" Anthony said as the bird landed on the ground near him and cocked her head."Can you find my house I can't find it?" Anthony asked before the bird flew in the air, Then in less than five minutes chirping happily.

_Five minutes is known to chirp happily._

"Which way huh which way girl?" Anthony asked as the bird flew in the direction of the house.

_GENIUS PIGEON!_

Aria flew around a few blocks before she stopped at the house."Good girl Aria come on let's get in before it starts to rain."

_How do you know it's going to rain?_

Anthony said as the two entered the house, It was late so Anthony decided to go to sleep.

_Didn't this idiot just sleep for several hours on the roof? Does he have narcolepsy or something?_

It was morning once again just like yesterday Anthony woke up to a angry chirping."Ahhh what is it Aria?" Anthony asked as he notice his feather friend chirping angrily at someone outside.

_The person outside proceeded to snap the pigeon's neck, since it was a pain in the ass._

"Oh Aria...Aria...Lassie it's just a mail man knock it off!"

_What._

Anthony said as he opened the door." Hello is this Mr. Diamante's house hold?" The mail man asked."Yeah that's me what do you want?" Anthony asked ready to attack if needed."Well I need you to sign this for your new school uniform."

_Wouldn't they be asking for this kid's parents?_

The man said as he showed Anthony the paper."Alright we have to wear uniforms...just great." Anthony said as he signed the paper and receive the uniform.

_You were in Japan and you __didn't__ know that people needed to wear uniforms in high school? Idiot._

Anthony placed the uniform in a drawer so he could wear it tomorrow.

_As opposed to trying it on to make sure it was the right size._

"Well Aria I'm going to check out my school do you want to come?" Anthony asked before the bird landed on his shoulder."I'm guessing that's a yes." Anthony said before they left.

Seven, or eight blocks away

_Not even the author is sure._

Anthony got to his new school and eyed it."What do you think Aria does it look good?"

_Clearly the pigeon is the best person to ask in this situation._

Anthony asked the bird before it flew away."Hey wait Aria...why does everyone I love leave me?" Anthony asked as the bird flew off.

_Because they hate you._

Anthony frowned he was alone again. "I should look inside I have nothing else to do." Anthony thought as he walked inside.

_"I should just break into my school."_

Anthony walked through the halls of Ryou high school.

_Wait, wait, I just realized. If he was talking to Kagami after that doll part, shouldn't they be in Kyoto? So...how the hell did he get to Ryoo from there?_

"Excuse me who are you?" A blonde woman asked as she walked out of a room."Oh I'm a transfer student, and I was just looking around my new school." Anthony said as the teacher's face brighten up."Well you made my job easier my name is Nanako Kuroi...let me see what is your name again?" Nanako Kuroi asked as she pulled out a list of students."Anthony Diamante."

_"I'm sorry, but Diamante isn't a real surname."_

Anthony said as Ms. Kuroi smiled a bit."Well your in my class it's the one I just came out of." Nanako said pointing to her room."Oh okay thanks what about my other classes?" Anthony asked as Ms. Kuroi smiled."Well your in my first period class, and then you have music class for second period, Next would be art for third, Then you have me again before, and after lunch, Math for sixth, Science for seventh, and finally P, E last."

_Because Kuroi-sensei would immediately know his school schedule._

Ms. Kuroi said as a bird landed on Anthony's head.

"Oh okay thanks...Hey Aria where did you go?" Anthony asked as Ms. Kuroi looked at him shocked. "Um you do realize that's a pigeon right?" Ms. Kuroi asked as she stepped back a bit."Yeah I know but Aria is all I have now so I'm not complaining." Anthony said as the bird landed on his shoulder. "Oh well Anthony if you need a place to stay I'll be happy to let you stay."

_Why would you let this guy into your house?_

Ms. Kuroi said feeling bad for the young boy."Nah it's fine I think I should head home now." Anthony said before leaving.

Anthony got back to his house it was almost eight but he felt sleepy so he went to bed early ready fro his new life.

_Narcolepsy!_

Diamante I believe is diamond in Italian I looked at Google translate and that's what it said so yeah Aria is air in Italian as well I used Google search.

_I'm going to assume this is part of the story, since there's no indication it's not. Well, that was awful, but it wasn't as bad as the last chapter. Maybe he's improving? Wait, no, he's not._


End file.
